


Here Comes the Sun

by strawberrycheesecake



Category: Norwegian Wood - Fandom
Genre: M/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-14
Updated: 2016-02-14
Packaged: 2018-05-20 11:57:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6005071
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/strawberrycheesecake/pseuds/strawberrycheesecake
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kizuki always knew he was going to die, but it was the moment that he first met Watanabe that the idea finally became concrete to him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Here Comes the Sun

**Author's Note:**

> Written under the influence of caffeine, though the idea is something that stuck with me ever since I read the novel a couple of years ago. It's just something that always made sense to me. I was originally trying for a Murakami voice, but I couldn't quite do it.  
> Title taken from the Beatles song, which Kizuki wouldn’t have listened to because it was released in 1969, after his death.  
> I hope there's already a Japanese translation of _The Sun Also Rises_ in the 60s. I'm pretty certain they would've had one. Watanabe doesn't talk about Hemingway in the novel (I think?), though I assume he'll have read his works. (I see parallels between _The Sun Also Rises_ and _Norwegian Wood_. Oh, isn’t love difficult? Y'know.)  
>  This originally was going to be longer and more detailed but I couldn't figure it out, so here it is. Maybe I'll revise it someday.  
> 

Kizuki always knew he was going to die, but it was the moment that he first met Watanabe that the idea finally became concrete to him. Or, to put it more precisely, it was _because_ he met Watanabe that the idea stretched out its tendrils, grabbed ahold of his brain, and whispered to him, _here I am_.

It was not to say that Watanabe was in any way to blame for what eventually happened, though. The thought was purely Kizuki’s own. Watanabe was simply the catalyst: something to help the reaction along, but always remaining unchanged. He probably would never have any idea of his hand in Kizuki’s fate. This was part of his attraction – a certain perceptive obliviousness. Because of this, he could say the most beautiful and profound things with sincerity and without any sort of pretense. If he were any less perceptive or any less oblivious, it would not happen.

Kizuki was with Naoko then. He saw no alternative to it. It was a comfortable, natural destiny, because they had always been together since the age of three, and so together they would remain. He loved Naoko in his way, of course, and Naoko him. It went without saying that there was more between them than just habit. They had a chime in their souls that played along the same melody – albeit in different keys. They were comfortable around each other in a way that others would and could never match. In front of Naoko, he could show his weakness. He could relax and dark shadows and uncertainty would come out, cracking the façade, and there would be faint whispers that he could not completely decipher.

It was only when he met Watanabe, that he could hear them clearly.

It was also only when he met Watanabe that the sun shone down and the shadows slithered away, and he felt that for once, the façade was no longer a façade. He could keep up his energetic and confident side whenever Watanabe was around, and he would never grow tired.

Naoko said that it was because Watanabe was their way into the outside world. Kizuki wondered how much she knew.

He wasn’t being secretive, but this was something he couldn’t share, not even with Naoko. She probably had an inkling, anyway. There was a glimmer in her look when they tried making love for the last time.

 

When Kizuki first met Watanabe, he was in their new classroom, reading a book. The students around them were chatting, a content buzz of a beginning that was neither old nor new. Some of their classmates had been friends or acquaintances in their first year of high school and were busy reaffirming relationships, some did not know each other but were eager to rectify that situation. Watanabe was not part of that, and that was why Kizuki took a look at him.

The next thing he knew, he was standing in front of Watanabe. “What’re you reading?” he asked.

“ _The Sun Also Rises_ ,” said Watanabe, looking up from the pages. Kizuki liked his eyes. “The title’s on the cover.”

“It is, isn’t it?” Kizuki gave him a grin. “By Ernest Hemingway.” He pronounced each syllable slowly. “Is this book good?”

“I don’t know,” Watanabe said thoughtfully. “I can’t quite understand it.”

And it was this thoughtfulness that prompted Kizuki to say, “My name is Kizuki.” It was not a simple, impulsive gesture of friendship, there was something ferocious and unrestrained underneath, but it didn’t bother him. At that time, Kizuki simply felt that something clicked into place, and it was right. He didn’t care about anything else.

“Watanabe.”

Kizuki thought about Naoko. “Wanna double-date Sunday?” he asked. “My girlfriend goes to a girls’ school, and she’ll bring along a cute one for you.” Naoko would like him, he decided. He couldn’t even feel jealous about it. He was so absorbed in the intensity of his feelings, that everything else felt pale and inconsequential.

“Sure,” was the reply.

It was after the teacher came in and everyone settled down that Kizuki knew clearly that he was going to die.

 

For a while his conviction hid itself beneath life. It was after Watanabe decided that he really couldn’t handle dating Naoko’s friends, and they became a steady little trio. Basic geometry: a triangle determines an unique plane, and they occupied this unique plane – their own world. For a while Kizuki thought, _well, this is as good as it’s going to get, maybe it can go on._

But the world is three-dimensional. Watanabe would stretch out, and the three points that they formed would be insufficient. Watanabe always wondered why Kizuki reached out to _him_. He seemed to feel that Kizuki would always be able to befriend others, but he didn’t know, he was the only one among them that could truly move forward into the vast space outside.

That brought Kizuki’s conviction back. It flared brightly, constantly, because Kizuki could not follow him into that world. The real world would tear Watanabe from him, and even in their triangle, in their two-dimensional plane, he never really had him in any case.

Oh, but those were happy days.

 

It was a perfect day when Kizuki asked Watanabe to skip class and play pool with him. Something was burning inside his brain but he decided not to put it into words. The most important thing was the present, when he was shooting pool with Watanabe. Kizuki cared little about putting things into perspective. He won, three games out of four, which was a satisfactory ending for this little adventure.

Watanabe noticed his seriousness, and was fairly puzzled. Kizuki told him truthfully that he didn’t want to lose.

They blew smoke into the air. The smoke and the air mingled with each other, until they became one underneath bright May sunshine. Kizuki glanced at Watanabe sideways, and an overwhelming desire rose within him: if only he could grab him and kiss him. Kizuki felt sure that he would be able to enter the new world then, or at least have a glimpse of it. He felt sure that he was still going to die, but then life would stretch on and on, forever and ever, until death became no more than a remote possibility.

Kizuki blinked sunlight away from his eyes and his fantasy melted away. He returned to his old self and continued to briefly enjoy a smoke with his friend.

**Author's Note:**

> The dialogue about double-dating ("Wanna double-date ... bring a cute one for you." "Sure.") is taken directly from the novel (Jay Rubin translation).


End file.
